Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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