i think my tv is drunk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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