i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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