"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
