her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
