no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
