So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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