You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
