Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
