My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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