I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
