Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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