While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
