this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
