I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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