Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
