I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
