I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
