it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
