did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
