dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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