Ambien. No doubt about it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
