I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Less talking, more tequila
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
