If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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