Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
