I think my vagina is haunted
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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