do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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