If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
