Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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