Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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