i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
