Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
