i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They took my balls.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
