I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
