i just google imaged poop.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
