Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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