there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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