I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I came so hard my ears popped.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
