my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
