Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
