You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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