Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Randomize
