I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
