you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
