john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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