Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
