No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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