I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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