Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
