she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
