Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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