Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
