I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
