Pants 0. Shit 1.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
