If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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