I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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