I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm passing your future prison.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
