So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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