I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
wow bdsm is so cute
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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