His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
