Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
