Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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