last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
