chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
