i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
