wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
